Веселые истории, анекдоты, юмор и т.п...
 

Будем писать тут.

Расшифровка автомобильных аббревиатур...
PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It's A Cadillac


ALFA: Aging Latin Fuckwit's Ambulance. Thanks Anthony

ASTON MARTIN: A Silly Toy Of Neurotic Middle Aged Rich Toffs Investing Needlessly

AUDI: Another Useless Deutsche Invention. Obviously written by someone with first hand experience - maybe someone who had one rust away into brown air in the 70's?

BMW: Bought My Wife; Brings Me Women; Big Money Waster; Broke My Wallet; Babe Magnet Wannabe, and LOTS more. There's a certain commonality of theme though, insinuating that Bavarian Motor Werken cars are expensive to run and bought by shallow image conscious airheads (See pic below).

and Craig R says it means 'Bavarian Manure Wagon!'

CADILLAC: Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars. Nuff said?

CHEVROLET: Chevrolet's not a common Aussie brand so one example will do - Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips. There are heaps more for those who are interested, second in popularity only to Ford (see below)

CHRYSLER: Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement. A clever one, but I'm sure most Valiant owners would prefer this one - Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair!

DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere. I've got one and every word is true! And how about - Dad's Old Dead Garage Experiment. And - Don't Over Drive Gutless Engines. Thanks for that one, Tanner, but how can you say the 426 Hemi is Gutless?

EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks. More to add to the Edsel's woes

FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology, Feeble Italian Attempt (at) Transportation; or the well known favourite - Fix It Again Tony!

FORD: Of all car names, Ford has the most entries - three complete pages full on one site: Fix Or Repair Daily; Fast Only Rolling Downhill; First (or Fails) On Race Day; Found On Road Dead (thanks Sameer P): Funding Our Retirement Daily (from a mechanic`s point of view); and perhaps best of all: Driver Returning On Foot (Ford spelled backwards!)

GMC: Greatest Made Chevy (thanks Roger S)

HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises, and from Jason we have - Heaps Of Loud Disgusting Engine Noises. Come on Aussie come on!

HONDA: Had One Never Did Again; Hold On, 'Nother Dickhead Arriving; plus (and this is a true rarity among these acronyms) one that says something positive about the car - Happy Owners Never Drive Anything (else)

HYUNDAI: A bitter one - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive; and a clever one - Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside

ISUZU: It Sucks, Unless Zero Used

JAGUAR: Only one entry - Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop. I've owned three Jaguars during my driving history, and I've always felt that they're the ideal car for a handyman, as long as he's handy with money!

JEEP: Once again, a bitter one - Junk Engineering Executed Poorly; and a clever one - Just Enough Engine Power

KIA: Kick It Again; Keep It Away; Kill It Anyway, and another - Kills Innocent Americans (thanks to weatherman824) Hmm - a certain commonality of theme here too. Not bad for a company with a name that sounds like Xena Warrior Princess' battle cry.

LOTUS: Only one entry, but it's a good one - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious. It's no coincidence that the acronym for the the Lotus Owners Of New York car club is LOONY!

MAZDA: Mostly Always Zipping Dangerously Along; Made After Zero Design Analysis. Z's are always hard to work into these things

MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales

MG: By and large the Pommie brands cop a bit of a bucketing, and MG is no exception - Merciless Garbage; Money Guzzler; MG-B: Might Go Backwards; the new MG-F: Might Go Forwards

MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane

MINIVAN: Manhood Is Nonexistent, I'm Vasectomized And Neutered. Thanks to Nolan R for that one

MITSUBISHI: Not the easiest of names to work with, but someone's had a go - Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete; and another - Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly

MOPAR: Move Over, Professionals Are Racing, and thanks to Petey we also have – Mostly Old Parts And Rust

NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now. You have been warned!

OLDSMOBILE: Someone worked hard on these - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday; and another - Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Off Bridges Into Lake Erie!

PLYMOUTH: Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!

PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It's A Cadillac

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything. Can't argue with that one!

SAAB: Quite some bitterness here - Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown; Start Adding Additional Brakefluid; Sad Attempt At Beauty. And you've got to say this with a California drawl - 'Yuppies don't cry, they just Saab'. LionsFootball61 sent me - SAAB: Still Ain't A Beamer and Slow As A Buick!

SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

SUV: Not a brand, I know, but most places are inundated with them - Selfish Useless Vehicles, SubUrban Vans, Stupid Ugly & Vain (thanks Michael T for all these)

SUZUKI: Space Usually Zero Unless Kids Inside

TORANA: Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration. And the SLR variant - Slightly Less Rust

TOYOTA: Some bitter ones here too, this time with a local flavour - Taking Our Yen Out Through Australia; The One You Ought To Avoid, They Overcharge You On Their Accessories, and Take Off Your Oversized Tires Asshole (thanks to Rob P for that one!)

TRIUMPH: A cry of depair from the heart here - This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help; and another - Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt! Someone speaking from first hand knowledge, by the sound of things!

- Пап, а у тебя в детстве был планшет?
- Нет, тогда и компьютеров-то не было.
- А на чём ты тогда играл?
- На улице!

Врач в психбольнице разгадывает кроссворд:
— Так... Остров, на котором родился Наполеон...
Оборачиваясь к пациенту:
— Слышь, придурок, ты где родился?

Афганистан. Душманы окружают маленький отряд. Командир говорит: — Надо кого-нибудь оставить прикрывать нас, а мы в это время попытаемся прорваться к своим. Добровольцу оставим каску, три гранаты, автомат, если что, потом организуем пышные похороны. Кто доброволец? Грузин говорит: — Я сагласэн, только оставтэ нэ три гранаты и каску, а три каски и адыну гранату. Оставили, отползли. Через час не слышат ни взрывов, ни выстрелов. Подползли обратно — смотрят: сидит грузин, рядом куча оружия, одежда, вокрг полуголые душманы сидят... Грузин крутит каски и кричит: — КРУЧУ — ВЕРЧУ, КТО ЗАМЕТИЛ ГДЕ ГРАНАТА?

жена: -О, у нас пелемешки будут? Муж: -Алкашка чертова, опять нажралась! Сходи лучше к соседям за солью, в доме соль закончилась Ну, вышла жена во двор, огляделась-до калитки далеко,дай,думает, через забор перелезу. Начала перелазить, ногой зацепилась, и обратно на землю упала. Будучи в полной уверенности, что находится на соседском участке, поднимается, отряхивается, стучит в дверь, заходит: -О, и у Вас пелемешки?! Муж: -Ты че, е%анулась? -А Вы что, в окно видели?

— Цель Вашего визита в Голландию? — Приуныла я чето ...

Дальнобойщик прозевал поворот и, снеся стену, влетает в старенький дом. В доме на печке бабушка, охреневшая, щелкает семечки.
Водила, не растерявшись, спрашивает:
— Бабуль! Как проехать на Москву???
Бабка:
— Да так— прямо через кухню и херачь дальше…

Останавливается перед светофором мерседес, вдруг сзади мощнейший удар. Выходит водила из мерседеса, смотрит в него другой мерседес въехал. Первый водила говорит второму:
— Как так то, за мной же запорожец останавливался!
А второй в ответ:
— Тсссс, он между нами!

- Зачем ты по обеим сторонам смотришь? Здесь же одностороннее движение!
- Чувак, это Россия - я бы еще и наверх посмотрел!!!

печальный анекдот